btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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