Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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