I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
