My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
