The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
