after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
