I will die if light touches me.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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