she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
