nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
