You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Houston, we have a blender
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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