Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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