i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
