so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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