He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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