New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Farmville is her only friend.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Found the puke drawer
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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