My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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