I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I AM VODKA MAN
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I think i got beer on your cat.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
