So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
