I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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