Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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