i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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