Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
