Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
