I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you mean i was at the winter classic?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
