we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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