girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
