Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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