So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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