Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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