I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
