Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
