He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
