nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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