hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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