You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
