drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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