im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
