True but thats because hes a fetus.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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