Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
