he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
