im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
