her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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