White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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