After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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