if i can run in heels then i can drive
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
