He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
