He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
