I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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