I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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