Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
