sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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