you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
