I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
