HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
