Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
