I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
FUCK WHALES
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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