I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize