The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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