Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
