can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
