I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
