one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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