I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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