After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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