CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
