thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize