My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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