Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just want nice things and good sex
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
