my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
