I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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