why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
