I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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