i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
