i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
