was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
