Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
