Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
