I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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