1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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