Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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