Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
