did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
