i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
