u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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