the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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