Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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