Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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