The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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