Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
