If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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