I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
