So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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