just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
