4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
