I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
