ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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