NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
