mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
