Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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