I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
