Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
