sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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